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Chan | 17th Feb 2009, 2:37 AM | 一般

it seems like its always my fault
everytime, its my problem, you dont have any problems at all. in life, its just me causing all the problems. if i didnt do this, if i didnt do that, if i wasnt like this, if i wasnt like now. honestly, FUCK U. 

everytime theres an argument, its always me. me. me. me.  and u? no, u arent wrong. im wrong. cuz i wasnt a child that always get 1s in the report cards, and i never got high 90s like that person. fuck, yea ok, i already admit that i was not a very bright child, i was always daydreaming, i never knew what i should do, and i never liked studying. but THOSE arent the cause of me, and then the cause of the problems now. yea before u can blame it all on me, and say its becuz of all those faults that i have that caused everything "bad" to happen. but now, im not letting u guys saying its my fault anymore. basically, cuz its not. it never was. 

 

in this whole damn family, im always the bad influence, or whtever thats negative. FUCK. everything i do, u guys make such a damn big deal.  just because i was willing to take a blame or two, doesnt mean it was my fault. i always thought being good and just not fighting back for what was the truth would put me in a good place, not a place where people actually started believing that its all my mistakes. and not urs. i realize.. im actually not as happy in this family as i thought i was. on the surface, it seems like im the lucky one, getting to stay in a home wif parents, getting to eat and sleep under a roof where everything was already made for me, and being able to stay connected wif my parents. but its not like that at all. to them i was never the better child, i was said as a selfish person, someone who didnt care about my family, didnt have goals, and anything that can be negatively said was said.  just cuz im not someone that says things well and expresses feelings well doenst mean i dont give a damn abt my family. i do everything for my family. i always always always always put my family as first. but then all i get is that im selfish. 

 

 

im just wrong. every part of me is just wrong. and u guys are perfectly right. no faults at all.


Chan | 10th Feb 2009, 3:04 AM | 一般

 

feb 8, 09 - sunday

dont know why.... but suddenly feeling really shitty.
maybe im just tired.......
but usually when im tired, i just dont think.... not think more !

 

this semester is really good, i pretty much start classes at like 10-11 for three days. and then other two days are at 8am. last sem, it was three days at 8am. it was deadly. hahaha but i think this semester feels more deadly, cuz im so used to having later classes than 8, that when it comes to thurs and fri, i wanna kill my sait, for giving me those hours! anyways,quizzes again this week! yes, AGAIN. 

week 1 - 3 quizzes, straight 3 days
week 2 - 2 quizzes, straight 2 days
week 3 -2 quizzes

why oh why.

 

 

 

 

love = listen

when u meet someone, its like downloading a new song

when u start talking and seeing alot, u listen to that song alot

when u start falling for him, u begin to put the song at the beginning of ur song list

and once u love him, as ur only one, u begin to think that u can listen to that song over and over again and never get tired of it

once u begin to get used to him being there always, u begin to think the song is abit too much

u decide u need space, thats when u decided to unpress the repeat button

after awhile of space, u realize hes not that important, u dont need him as much as u thought u did, thats when u skip the song.

after uve decided not to use the word love toward him anymore, its when u skip it once the beginning of the song starts cuz the song is just irritating and u dont want to hear one beat from it

then when u think why are u wif him when u dont love him, u wonder why that song is placed in the beginning of the list when u dont play it anymore
when u dont love him, u dont want to have anything to do wif him, so u end it, thats when u deleted the song off that list

now u are no longer wif anyone, or thinking anyone, just like when u delete a song from ur ipod, u dont remember what song was in the list before.

then when u see him again, u dont even say hi, thats when u wouldnt listen to that song again until when ur cleaning ur computer, u start playing songs to find out which ones to be deleted and which ones that u have forgotten yet good to listen and keep.


Chan | 22nd Jan 2009, 12:39 AM | 一般

 

jan 20.09 -tuesday

last nite, i opened my little journal book. then i started reading. it was nice reading back, to remind myself what happened. and there are times i dont remember anything from it! which is amazing to know what DID happen. hahaha. anyways, well i also notice that i stopped writing for the longest time. well... theres like a page of 4 months ago or something. but other than that, there are hardly anything. which... i really do regret not writing.

SO! last nite, i started writing. and i realize how hard it is to write!!! hahaha not cuz i havent been doing any writing at all (cuz there IS school) but its hard to write in such a hard shaped book, and when i cant write neat, i dont have that feeling of writing. hahaha so. i stopped after a brief little paragraph for whatever happened in 4 months. 4 months in one paragraph?! ....shiiit!



well. ok. maybe im abit lazy. but really.... typing is much much faster.. and the fonts wont go ugly. hahaha. which makes me like typing! anyways. enough said. lately, things has been changing... again! lol i will take it as a change for the better.. like always, because everytime it does get better.... right?



anyways, I MISS U. but ill live. hahaha i think my brain has been growing up lately. like alot. haha 


Chan | 11th Jan 2009, 1:14 AM | 一般



my resolutions for 2009!
i know i know...... every year, i dont actually accomplish much of my resolutions. but this year. change!

1. Do the studying at HOME, not just at school. (i tend to just study last minute at school everytime)
2. Less nite outings and making my parents worry about me.
3. Spend less and SAVE more!
4. HK this winter! (must must)
5. Swear less
6. Get no Cs in anything
7. Work more during summer time
8. Less shopping, more window shopping
9. Spend less on food

 

 

 


Chan | 11th Jan 2009, 1:01 AM | 一般


January 9th, 2009 - friday 10:02pm

So already, 9 days of 2009 are already gone. 

Soooo, ever since winter break started on the 18th of dec (i finished exams on 17th), ive been working like crazy! i dont think i have ever worked like that, except for stampede this summer. but yea, i worked everyday, pretty much open to close. the fun occurred at my workplace. outside of workplace was pretty much feeling tired, and sick.  Yea, my winter break pretty much sucked cuz i was sick the whole time. stupid cold that wont go away.  and the stupid weather changing!  anyways, less work happened when my sis was about to go back to school.  anyways, but new years was pretty good. hahaha i took a limo on nye by surprise!

anyways, so school started on the 6th of jan. it was slack. it only has been 4 days of school and im getting tired already.  fridays are my worst days!! i start at 8am and end at 3pm wif only one hour break today ><" made me so tired and sleepy even though i went to bed at 1130 the nite before!  the second day of school (7th) was pretty good, wingki finally got switched into my class! so now we're in the same classes for all! then at nite, went out wif abe crew to bootleggers for some wings! it was a very white white place.. and i didnt know it was a bar. it was somewhat ghetto but i guess the wings were good to fill me up! but then i was sososo thirsty that nite... haha anyways, then 3rd day was good. got off school at 1pm, so we went shopping! and i got my coach bag!! <3 one that i wanted for a while now. then today, was just a bum day. i felt tired and just ugh. came home and took a 2.5 hr nap. and not enough. haha cuz right now i feel very tired.



school is pretty stable
classwork is starting to pile up though
lecture lecture......notes notes....tests tests...

 

 

 

lovelove


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